Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Day one: Killing anxiety though fiction.
Ready, breath in 3, breath out, breath in 2, breath out, breath in 1, breath out. My third eye opens to my safe spot. A little tropical island with a beautiful night sky, stars soaring across. I feel the warm sand beneath me complimented by the relaxing sound the ocean gives. I allow myself this time, a time to reflect and to become self-aware of what I am doing with my life. I see my inner self. My conscious, I guess you can call it a fictional being that I can discuss my personal problems with and not be judged or criticized. A fictional being that can help me come to a solution with my everyday endeavors. We sit together and we discuss why I am an outgoing introvert, someone who is reserved but desperately wants to socialize and become good friends with everyone. My inner self looks to me and tells me that I have too much of a social filter on. A filter that hides my true self from others. This filter is really an anxiety that relates to my being bullied back in high school freshmen year. Something I do not want to ever experience again. The reticule and insults that bring one to utter depression and fear of others leading to mean world syndrome. "You can become who you once where, a social fun kid who brings out the best in others." That is what my inner self tells me before he vanishes. Ready, breath in 3, breath out, breath in 2, breath out, breath in 1, breath out. I open my physical eyes, my skin tightened from a grin and my social anxiety diminished.